ABOUT ME

I know the title may be a bit confusing since not too long ago I had a post entitled “It Ain’t About Me”, but bear with me I promise I am not being a hypocrite, saying one thing and doing the opposite. I often wonder how many people are going through life blaming others for everything that has happened to them, bitter, sad, angry, depressed because life is not what they hoped it would be. I know people like that and being around them is draining. They live their lives focusing on other people, something they will never be able to control and never really focusing on what they can control, themselves. Not too long ago I realized that I was becoming one of those people….

Over the past year or two I have experienced great loss, deep hurt, painful rejection, overwhelming shame, depression, feelings of being less than adequate and I could go on. I have missed the mark so many times I can’t even count and given up on others, myself and God to some extent more than I would even want to admit. Some of the things I have experienced are a result of my own doing, my own mess-ups. Then there are some things that happened as a result of other people. My goal is not to paint a sob story or to get sympathy; however, I want you to understand that I was at an all time low, at one point so much so that I thought I was having a nervous breakdown. I literally was searching for residential places that I could go to regroup, get a grip on things, to heal. Talk about hitting rock bottom! I wish I could say that God miraculously took all of that away and now all is perfect, but I can’t. The truth is there are a lot of those things on my list that I still face BUT the difference is I have laid them at the feet of Jesus. I have decided to give God all of it. I came to a pivotal crossroad in my life. I was either going to live my life focusing on others and their actions (which I have no control over) or turn the focus on ME and get myself together (which I have complete control over). 

I drew my line in the sand and made my decision that my focus had to be on ME!

I came to the realization that if I was going to survive, I needed God

to deal with,

change,

mature,

restore

and use

ME.

So here I am a work in progress, on the Potter’s wheel being re-molded and re-shaped. A marred vessel, my imperfections are being made smooth. Some days are better than others. No matter what, I have decided to allow Him to do a complete overhaul in my life. This process is definitely NOT an easy one. It is revealing things that I didn’t know I struggled with. Things are being uncovered that I thought I had released long ago, but I am still holding on to. I am discovering that the things that I thought I was pretty good at like forgiveness, I am not as good as I thought. It is humbling to say the least. But I know that it’s time.  It’s LONG OVERDUE!

Time to get ME together.

Time to do what God has called ME to do.

I know that when it is all said and done I will be a new and improved ME.

The best is YET to come!

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Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalms 139:23-24